Yesterday, I had a meltdown. Not your (or my) every day minor anxiety attack but a legit meltdown. Crying on the side of the road with a cart full of my belongings in front of the world not thinking that I would get through whatever I was going through. Let me break it down for you…
So, if you happen to follow me on Instagram you would know that my day didn’t start out that well. It wasn’t a complete disaster but it was the kind of start that I would have dreamed of. I was running late to my early hair appointment (1st world probs) and when I finally got there I discovered that my water bottle had exploded all over my purse and got my electronics and book soaked. But I recovered, I didn’t freak out or anything. I cleaned up the mess and kept it pushing. Then I spilled boiling hot water all over my boobs, ouch. Again though, not freaked, the stinging stopped and I went about getting my hair done. The appointment ended up taking longer than expected and I still needed to go over to my old apartment and clean out the rest of the place before I had to turn in the keys the next day. So, after the appointment I got in the car and discovered that I had forgotten that I only had 2 miles of gas left. Another stop to make. I was in crunch time because I really didn’t want to hit prime time traffic from Oakland to San Jose because, I just wasn’t in the mood. I get over to the apartment and realized that there was a lot more to be done then I remembered and it definitely wasn’t a one-woman job, but I had to make it one because it was just Me, Myself, and I. Cue the daily dose of severe stress and anxiety but nothing I hadn’t dealt with before. Long story short it took longer than I was hoping it would and I definitely was going to be stuck in traffic but at that point I didn’t care. I had accomplished everything I needed to and all I had to do was take the stuff to the car and head home.
I get to the car and it doesn’t unlock. Weird. So, I go searching through my bag to find the key to manually unlock it. It’s not there. Crap. Okay, I remember my purse falling over in the elevator let me just run back to the elevator and pray that it is still there. So, I go back check my last steps and the elevator. Not there. I then remember that when my purse fell over, I heard some change fall out of it as well and I also heard it continue fall until I couldn’t hear it anymore. Welp, if you guessed that my car key fell down with the change, you answered correct. Down the elevator shaft it went and still is. Now, cue the mental breakdown. I was, like I said, on the side of the road next to my car bawling my eyes out.
I pull myself together and with the help of my family and friends and was ready to get home and cuddle my doggy’s and the hubs. When I get home, I come to find out that Quavo (my golden doodle) was non-weight bearing on his left paw and needed to go to the vet ASAP! Cue another breakdown in the car, driving to the vet, bawling my eyes out once again for just a break! (He ended up being okay after the visit, just a punctured paw :(…)
Now you are also probably thinking, “HA, Sydel is so dramatic. She’s crying over the smallest things.” Well yeah, I would say you are right. I mean it was a buildup of small things throughout the day, but that was not what I was really melting down about. Yes, I was upset about the small things, but it all roots from these big things that I am dealing with, or really not dealing with, that came crashing down on me at once.
I have the tendency to ignore all of my coping mechanisms for dealing with severe stress. I have been in countless therapy sessions learning how to cope. How to not let major stresses build up. Hearing how I need to “face your stress head on and show it who is boss.” Well I failed. Miserably. So, I am writing this tell you, (anyone who deals with similar issues) do not be afraid to face things head on. I know it can be hard and I know that the easy route is to just ignore what is stressing you out or causing you anxiety but sooner or later it will reveal itself and force you to deal with it. For me, I find it better if I deal with it on my own because out of all the things in life that I can’t control, that is one thing I can. That is one time that I can say, “Hey, I am going to deal with this and figure it out now because I want to and I can control this!” Take control of your mental health. Fight as hard you can. I know there will be days when we fail and we find ourselves embarrassingly crying in public over “nothing” but as long as we are working to take control, there will be more successful days ahead of us. I’m with you in this.